(In Order) Xzibit, YG, Kurupt, E-40, DJ Quik, Kendrick Lamar, Snoop Dogg/Lion/Baby Cat
“West Coast Cypher ’12”
BET Hip-Hop Awards
There are ten things that I really enjoy/think about about this performance.
1. Everything about Kendrick Lamar’s flow is captivating. One of the best rappers on the planet right now. No doubt.
2. Besides his hair, DJ Quik’s commitment to percussion is truly exceptional (even though he couldn’t keep up). Didn’t know a plastic fork could count as an instrument.
3. I wonder how much Xzibit’s people must have paid the producers to get him at that table. I’m setting the over-under at $250,000.
4. Along the same lines, YG. Really???? The producers needed a young, up-and-coming rapper to go with Kendrick, and they came up with YG? What, Tyler The Creator, Lil B, Earl Sweatshirt, Kool A.D., Schoolboy Q, Jay Rock, Hopsin, and Mondre M.A.N. were all busy? Hell, I would have even accepted Tyga’s non-rappin’ ass. Puhreeese.
5. I’ve never been his biggest fan, but E-40 has got to be one of the most charismatic, likable rappers on the planet. I wish he was my uncle.
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Quick Tangent: Because I’ll never have as seamless a segue to this again, here is my family fantasy team of rappers.
Dad: Jay-Z –>Has experienced more than many would in 10 lifetimes. Seems like a level-headed, non-insane person. Would give the best b-day presents.
Mom: Pepa from Salt ‘N Pepa–>Seems like she would be a fun mom that would also teach discipline and raise you right. Also, if anyone ever fucked with you, she’d fuck them up first.
Big Brother: T.I. –>Has made a bunch of mistakes but has come through them. Feel like he’d give great guidance/advice. Seems wise.
Little Brother: Curren$y–>The current frontrunner of the prestigious “rapper I’d most like to play NBA Live/FIFA with.” That’s what little brothers are for, right?
Big Sister: Missy Elliot–>Clearly the cool older sister who you could follow around, but would also be sweet to you. Would def have hot friends.
Cooky Uncle: E-40–>Obvious.
Cool Uncle: Rick Ross–>You wouldn’t see him often, but whenever you needed something he’d help you out. Also, you could go visit him in South Florida and hang out on his yacht without him getting all in your shit. Also, would probably smoke you out for the first time and not tell your dad. Also, good birthday presents.
Cousins: Odd Future–> You wouldn’t want to hang out with them everyday, because they are completely insane, but they would definitely spice up boring family gatherings and would probably have weed/m80’s/skateboards/etc to play with.
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AANNNNNDDD, we’re back!
6. WHERE THE FUCK IS SHORT DOGGGGGG????????? SO-CAL BIASSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
7. “I don’t gotta prove I’m fly…parrot.” I just…
8. I love that Kendrick Lamar mentions eating Now and Laters before playing ball. Good to know that the kids in the burbs have at least one thing in common with kids from Compton. Dr. Pepper and N&L’s are the perfect pre-game meal for middle school ballers…and Lamar Odom.
9. America needs a new Kurupt/Dogg Pound album. I predict that both would be huge hits in today’s market.
(EDIT: There have been two Dogg Pound albums and a Kurupt album released in the last three years. They sold a combined 11 copies by our count. We called around.)
10. Possible candidates for the 2013 edition: Shifty Shellshock, Travie McCoy, Afroman, The Azn dude from Black-Eyed Peas, all three of the Delinquentes, residents of the Cali Swag District.
